u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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