The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just invented taco cereal.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
