I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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