It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
