before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
