You just made me feel so damn special
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sarcasm needs its own font
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
