I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
