i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I want is dick and wine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
