o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
