I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize