I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
