i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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