So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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