How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
