K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
