K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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