the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
