Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
