That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
