There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize