guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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