He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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