i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They have beer where we have blood.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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