I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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