I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
