I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
