do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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