I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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