me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
