he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
