he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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