Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
