His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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