Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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