I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
