third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
