My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
