The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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