Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
