god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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