I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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