Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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