Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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