at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
