What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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