if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
time to smoke my breakfast
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
