Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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