ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
