I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
