I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
