Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
