Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
