if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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