Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
