Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
