i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
