i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
