the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
