I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
