it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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