You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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