I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
