He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
