hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
