I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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