there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
