AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
