you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
