hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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