This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
