I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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