Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize