I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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