you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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