I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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