based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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