I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
