I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
