Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
