i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize